Thought of The Day

I'm not really into Thoughts of the Day, because usually people nod their heads wisely in agreement without having a clue what it means.

I remember somebody telling me once that he read a few pages of a philosophy book and he couldn't understand a word of it.
"It was brilliant," he said.
"But how do you know it was brilliant?" I asked. "You didn't understand a word of it."
"Exactly," he said.

Now you may think that was incredibly profound, but I've studied it from every possible angle and I still conclude that this was a dumb-ass trying in vain to be intelligent.

Anyway, I'm going to be a complete hypocrite now. I was watching Undercover Boss Canada yesterday and a young lady who had transformed her life beyond recognition had the following statement tattooed on her arm -

"I know who I am and I know who I could be if I choose to be."

I did like that.
And I think I understood it, too.

Jigsaw Pieces

The pieces of the jigsaw are all over the place, to be honest.
There are so many pieces and the difficult part is knowing where to start.

I need to work on my characters. They have names. They have bodies. They have faces. And yet I need to develop personalities which make them unique, flawed and yet ultimately endearing. I need to study my settings (welsh vallleys, Porthcawl, Merthyr) and my eras (seventies onwards). And I need to know comedy like the back of my hand.

I'm a bit overwhelmed, to be honest.

But at least I do have some pieces and I have a plan.
I have completed enough research to start my drafting next week.
It will all piece together, honest.


I

It's All About the Comedy

I am sat in the Birmingham Library on one of their really comfortable hard plastic chairs (yes, sarcasm). And I am taking a break to give you an update on my new book.

It is going reasonably well, thank you for asking.

I use the word 'reasonably' with care as I don't feel I have moved out of first gear yet.
But I have managed to secure Saturday's for writing and here I am in the library, and I was here last week and the week before and I see no reason why I shouldn't be here next week, either.
I have booked a comedy club night for 7th March and I have secured an interview with one of the performers, the brilliant Eddy Brimson.

Ah, yes, I haven't told you what the book is about yet, have I?
The book follows the trials and tribulations of a trio of stand-up comedians.
I won't delve too deep here. I just propose you think about the potential the premise has...

And so, I need to know stand-up like the back of my hand. I was about to make a joke about knowing the back of my hand really well, but I'm sure I've used a joke about that before. I've been reading books and watching videos but that is only going to touch the surface. To really understand comedy, I need to roll up my sleeves and really live and breathe comedy. So I am going to shows. A whole lot of them. And that just has to include the home of alternative comedy, The Comedy Store in Leicester Square. But even that is only observing comedy. It isn't really getting involved and understanding it from a comic's perspective.

My big idea is to actually perform in Open Mic Nights.

That really is a daunting, scary prospect, but that is just another reason to do it. I need to understand just how daunting and scary comedy is.

Talk is cheap though, and at the moment all I am doing is talking (although admittedly I am sounding impressively tough). I will let you know when I have booked a night and then the talking can stop (hopefully not when I am up on stage, though, tongue-tied).

It won't feel like I have moved from first gear until I actually start the writing part.

In two weeks time I hope to be able to tell you that I am in second gear, moving swiftly into third...
.

The Big Plan

That title sounds very deep and meaningful, doesn't it?
Like a manifesto for the future of everything.
Well, not quite. Don't go over the top, Chris.
I'm very into plans and schedules and To Do lists, not because I'm naturally very organised, but rather, because I'm naturally very disorganised.
Basically if I don't plan, then nothing gets done at all, or I end up doing a whole lot of things I shouldn't be doing and before I know it, I am yet another year older and all I have to show for it is less hair (and believe me, I am definitely losing my hair).

Now (as any good book on organisation and planning will tell you) all plans need to be realistic. It wasn't realistic to expect to be able to write too much when I had a little lovable baby rascal rolling all over the place (AJ has now upgraded from rolling to crawling, but he still makes the same amount of noise - and it is noise, not sound). And it still isn't realistic to devote too much time to writing when he is still eight months old, either, is it?

But I do plan to write a novel this year. I have a great premise and I am pretty darn excited about it (and I am not the excitable type - okay, maybe sometimes). I've started going to the library again on Saturdays (an agreement with my wife for giving her time for relaxation on Sundays), I've completed lots of research and now I'm in the plotting stage. If I keep to my (hopefully realistic) schedule, then March to October will be devoted to drafting and then November to January to editing.

I'm not Superman (stating the obvious, I don't have the physique and I don't fly) and so other things in my life will need to be relegated or removed. Realistically, there is always going to be some unexpected drama just around the corner, and I've taken this into account (see, I indicated that I can be organised when I want to be) but there just isn't room in my life for, say, keeping super fit or posting lots of photos on Facebook.

And so, by this time next year, I may be a bit boring and have a slightly flabby belly and have even less hair, but I will at least have created something that I am proud of and that can never be taken away.

Wow, I can be deep you know.

And I will try my best to keep my blog updated. It can at the very least be a log of how well I am progressing. If, in a year from now I am super fit and have lots of photos on Facebook but no completed novel then, quite rightly, you can say I only have myself to blame...

Review of Life is a Pirate Ship Run by a Velociraptor

Wow, had to re-check my spelling a few times for that title!

I was given an advance copy of Life is a Pirate Ship Run by a Veliciraptor, the latest offering from Allison Hawn, and I loved it!

The book is out today!

Here is my review:

Life is a Pirate Ship Run by a Velociraptor  is the second instalment of shorts  from the pen (or laptop) of Allison Hawn, following the same tried and tested format as Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus. There is no doubt that, simply put, Allison is a magnet for the weird and wonderful , and she chronicles her experiences and the wacky people she meets along the way in an incredibly funny compilation of shorts. Allison is the type of lady who would end up sitting to the weird guy on the bus who is compelled to tell his life story. But Allison thrives on it! Her analogies and one-liners are top-rate. Sometimes I re-read lines and think ‘why didn’t I think of that?’ How about ‘An ex is like a zebra carcass, only interesting from a safe distance, overall something you want to avoid and you hope is eventually eaten by a lion’ for a line? The book is full of them. I think Allison knew she was on to a good thing from the reaction to Life is a Circus and she has managed to improve on that with Life is a Pirate Ship. If you like books that are fast, funny and insightful, then this is definitely for you. 

Rare Bits - Free Offer

Today and tomorrow Rare Bits is free again! Make the most of this, folks!

Rare Bits - Free Offer

Today and tomorrow Rare Bits is free again! Make the most of this, folks!

Free Book!

Happy Saturday!
Rare Bits has received fantastic feedback, which is brilliant.
However, I must have been lying when I said I wasn't too concerned how well it sold!
And so, I'm having a push! I am trying to get as many potential readers to download the book as possible.
Which means that today the book is free. Zilch.
I know, I must be mad. But this book isn't about money. It is about generating interest in my writing.
So please get your free copy from Amazon today!

Interview with Khalid Muhammad

Today I have the pleasure of bringing to you an interview with Agency Rules - Never an Easy Day at the Office author, Khalid Muhammad.First and foremost, I admire Khalid for his courage and bravery. The spy thriller is an incredibly competetive market. If the quality is not there, you are going to fall short and you will be exposed. But Khalid has not opted for the safe option. He has not set his book in the familiar and glamorous surroundings of London or Moscow. No, he has set Agency Rules in Pakistan, a country we hear so much of but know so little about.In my opinion, the bravery pays off. The setting is a masterstroke that separates Agency Rules from the rest of the pack. Khalid is undoubtedly passionate about revealing the real Pakistan, the country he knows so well, not only from living there but through years of dedicated research and study. The attention to detail is exemplary and, along with a crafted plot and excellent writing, this makes Agency Rules - Never an Easy Day at the Office a front-runner.I'm just excited to discover that the book is the first in a series of three!Please, enjoy the interview...

Welcome, Khalid. So could you please introduce yourself to our readers by telling them a little bit about yourself?

Sure, Chris. First, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to speak with me about my writing and my debut spy thriller, Agency Rules – Never an Easy Day at the Office.

In terms of my background, I was born in Pakistan, raised and educated in the United States and returned to Pakistan in 1997 to pursue emerging business opportunities. I’ve spent my time in the country comparing the on-ground Pakistan with everything that I heard in the media. What a difference! There are times when I think they make up the stories that are written about the country.

As an entrepreneur, I have been able to build a successful marketing and brand management company in Karachi that services both domestic and international clients, which has helped with supporting my family while I build my writing career.  Since publishing Agency Rules in January 2014, I have written for a number of domestic publications and a few international ones, while I work on the next two books of the Agency Rules series.

So, if you were put in the spotlight, how would you describe Agency Rules – Never an Easy Day in the Office to a potential reader?

It’s a real and unflinching look at the history of Pakistan that has led to the whole problem with terrorism in our country. When you read what is printed in the media about Pakistan, you would be hard pressed to believe that the average Pakistani citizen stands against terrorism. We, as a nation, are branded with that nasty word. The truth is that 9 out of 10 Pakistanis stand firmly against terrorism in every form within the country and from our soil. The media doesn’t tell you that.

At the same time, our army has taken it pretty firmly on the chin with media reports claiming that it supports various terrorist and extremist outfits. When I sat down to write Agency Rules, I wanted to tell the story from two points of view – the average citizen and the enlisted military officer. The result is a fast-paced, harsh and honest look at Pakistan from the Presidency to the streets of the country, all encompassed in the internal fight against terrorism.

What a competitive genre! Who are your influences and how did you make Agency Rules different from the other books out there?

Espionage thrillers as a genre is extremely competitive! That’s for sure, but I think that makes writers have to lift their standard higher to be able to compete with the big names like Helen MacInnes, Alistair McLean, John Le Carre and Tom Clancy.

My own personal influences are Le Carre for the way he crafts his characters and develops his storylines. There is a level of reality in his books that I aspire to reach. I also look to Fredrick Forsyth because his writing draws the reader into the story and keeps them there. He paints a graphic that puts the reader into the action. And anyone who writes in this genre can’t talk about influences without including Tom Clancy. Clancy is a master of taking real life events and crafting individual stories around them. I worked very hard to bring each of these pieces in my own writing and Agency Rules.

What makes Agency Rules different is that it brings a very unfamiliar, but highly discussed, country into the public eye. When you look at the books in this genre, they typically revolve around Langley, Moscow, London or Tel Aviv. They are stories about the intelligence services that the world knows very well. Agency Rules isn’t. The whole story is based in Pakistan during the 1990s after the Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan and the flood of Mujahideen that returned to Pakistan without a war to fight. They turned their sights on Pakistan.

This setting for this genre of book is usually somewhere like Moscow or London. So why Pakistan, and did you have any reservations about this setting?

You know that is something that really concerned me when I was writing. Would people be interested in a story that originated in Pakistan? The more time I put into crafting the story, the more I found that the story developed into something that really is a must read in today’s world. Pakistan has received a great deal of negative media coverage over the past 12 years, but no one has really ever told Pakistan’s story.

For those who are considering reading Agency Rules, you need to understand that I take no prisoners in my book. This is not propaganda for Pakistan. It is a hard, unflinching look at a nation that has been struggling with forces within its own borders. Those forces include the religious parties that demand an Islamic Pakistan; the political forces that demand a pseudo-democratic Pakistan and a military that must fight to defend the nation no matter what threatens it. There is much more to the story of Pakistan than what the media would like people to know. We are a people that have been betrayed throughout history by those who claimed to serve the nation. We are a citizenry that is searching for a single identity that we can claim as our own, while being pulled in every direction rather than forward. This is our story.

What was your motivation for writing the book? Are there key messages or beliefs that you wanted to get across to the reader? 

That’s a great question, Chris! I know that when I started writing the book, the only message/motivation in my mind was to tell the real story of Pakistan without the spin and political bias. While writing the book, I found that I was taking the reader to some very uncomfortable places that would, in some cases, shock, anger and outrage them, but to understand how we got to where we are today, I had to take them there.

I think the main undertone message of Agency Rules is that Pakistanis are a proud people from a proud nation that have just been misjudged, misunderstood and misrepresented around the world. I wanted people to see my Pakistan, the country that I call home, with all of its problems, struggles and challenges. We are just like every other country in the world, just more mismanaged.

Of course, there are other messages within the book, but I will leave those to the reader to find. I always find it interesting how readers highlight things that even I have missed when writing. My job is to craft a story that will touch the reader in places that they don’t want to go. Thus far, from the reviews, I think that journey has been started.

It must take an incredible amount of research for such a book. How did you go about that? Any tips for any budding writers when it comes to researching?

When you live in a country like Pakistan, where information is not easily attained, research is the hardest thing. Add to that, I was writing about the Pakistan Army and the nation’s premier intelligence organization, it made things significantly harder. So I spent roughly 5 years reading anything and everything I could get my hands on from domestic memos to international dossiers. I spoke to serving and retired army and intelligence officers to get a better understanding of life within the secretive world of the ISI. Writing a spy thriller about a military and an intelligence service that is rarely written about was a challenge, but I was fortunate to have the support of many people who could read for accuracy, realism and authenticity which eased the tensions I had with writing.

For the budding writer, don’t think that you can write without research. The mark of a quality story is that you get the details right, because it’s the details that will facilitate your reader to experience your words from the mountains in Bajaur to the lavish dinner in Washington, D.C. You must spend the time to get to know what you are writing about to make the story come alive on the pages.

What was the most challenging aspect of writing the book?

The most challenging, and I would say enjoyable, part of writing Agency Rules was the authenticity. I spent hours visiting the places that I have talked about in my book. I went to construction sites and spent hours watching the workers and their relationships. I visited the terrorist and suicide bomber training camps after the army had cleared them of munitions and terrorists. I think the most emotional part for me, and this is included in the next two books, was visiting the re-programming centers where the captured terrorists were taken. Their stories tore at my heart. They were children who had lost their family members in natural disasters. They had no one and the terrorists turned them into fodder for their misguided wars. These children told how they were brainwashed, drugged and pushed into the battlefield believing that they were fighting a war for Islam, when they were actually just pawns.

Kamal Khan is not your usual robotic action-hero – he actually has a sensitive side! How did you develop this character?

My wife likes to tell me that the debut novel always has a character that is based on the author’s own personal life. I think that is what we got with Kamal, who is loosely based on my own life.

Kamal Khan comes from an upper-middle class family with enough opportunities to never have to consider a life in the armed forces. But he didn’t feel comfortable in that life, so he enlisted in the armed forces, rather than attending university. His father is very hard on him, almost excluding him from the family from the day he joined the military, but the most intriguing part of Kamal is that he is struggling with his own values.

When you look at Kamal in the beginning of the story, he is ruthless, uncompromising in his dedication to his duty. He is truly, as one reviewer put it, an angel of death. But as the story moves forward, you start to put yourself into Kamal’s shoes, walk the path with him and see how he struggles with decisions that should be easy for a soldier or an intelligence officer. Nothing is black and white for him, it’s all shades of grey.

You see him struggle to make decisions, stop to support a friend, and defend his actions to the military high command. He’s not the typical operative that we see in books and movies. He doesn’t come with self-assuredness or arrogance. He behaves like a human, guided by relationships and, at some points, you wonder how he makes such a great intelligence officer. In my opinion, that is what makes him so good at what he does – he feels the other person’s situation and pain, using it to build relationships and turn them into assets, without letting on what he is doing.

I understand that you are a Business Executive. How do you organize your time and your writing schedule?

I don’t honestly. I find myself walking around with a notebook or using the digital recorder on my phone. I have written paragraphs while waiting for meetings to start, one the road to someone’s home or while on a flight. I never know when an idea is going to start to germinate, so I make sure that the tools I need are with me at all times.

When it comes to actually writing, I do that after my day has ended. Typically, I will settle down to write after midnight when everyone has gone to bed and I can slip on my headphones to get lost in the world that I create for my readers.

What are your writing aims?

Right now, I am primarily focused on writing the next two books in the series. There is still a great deal of ground to cover before we get to modern day Pakistan, which I would like to do in the next two installments. I also have submission schedules for other publications that I write for that I need to maintain and deliver on.

I do want to write for as many publications that I can, while writing the Agency Rules series, to get the real story of Pakistan, our struggles and challenges into the world discourse.

Khalid, where can readers find out more about you and where can we buy your books?

The easiest place to find information about Agency Rules and me is from the Agency rules website (http://www.agencyrules.com). I have tried to build a fluid author platform that has excerpts from the book, storylines that I have written but not included in the published novel, as well as the reviews and media coverage that has generated since the debut novel was published. I am also on Facebook (http://facebook.com/AgencyRulesPK) and I tweet from @AgencyRulesPK. I love reader interactions and questions, so please do feel free to ask anything you would like. I’ll do my best to answer your questions.

You can buy Agency Rules – Never an Easy Day at the Office at all the major online book retailers including Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iTunes and Kobo. The links to each are provided below.

B&N - http://bit.ly/BN-AR

Amazon - http://smarturl.it/amazon-ar

iTunes - http://bit.ly/IT-AR

Kobo - http://bit.ly/K-AR

Once again, Chris, I want to thank you and your readers for taking the time out to read this interview. I hope that I have been able to give them enough of a tease to get them interested in reading Agency Rules and finding out more about the most discussed/misunderstood country in the media today.

Thank you again!

Launched!

And so today is Saturday, and because today is Saturday, it means that I have lauched my second book, Rare Bits!
I have told as many friends, family and colleagues as possible that, if they are interested in buying the book, to please do so today. That way the book makes a impact in the Amazon charts and arouses interest from other potential readers.
I'm kind of nervous. Not because I'm worried whether people will buy the book or not. That's outside my control. There are so many available books that luck is needed for a new book to be even noticed. I've acccepted that my plan for world (or word) domination a long-term one (I'm joking).
No, I'm nervous to see how people respond to the book. I take pride in my writing and I know it can be really good. I'm confident that readers will enjoy the book, but still, its natural for some doubts to persist. Will they like it as much as Just a Bit of Banter, Like? Will they enjoy the variety of genre, or will it be too much to absorb in one book?
But then, I'm not looking for readers to love every story. I just want them to enjoy the book as a whole and to appreciate the writing and the imaginative storylines. As I said, I'm a work in progress.
On the other hand, forget all that! If you have purchased Rare Bits, I hope that you absolutely love the book!
Fingers (and toes) crossed.

Saturday Launch

Evening!
A night off from football, hey? Do you feel lost too?
I'm officially launching my new book, Rare Bits, this Saturday. The plan is that interested readers for any will download the book on that particular day. It then peaks in the Amazon charts and then hopefully - hopefully - the high ranking will entice other readers.
A few people have read the book now, and the feedback has been amazing. I'm not just saying that. Yes, okay, I know that's what all writers say, but really it has! And any writer will tell that you that its absolutely daunting having a piece of work read for the first time. You feeling like you are baring your soul.
Here's to Saturday!

Rare Bits - Short story collection

My second book, Rare Bits, is now available to purchase in Kindle format on Amazon. It a bit of a secret that its available at the moment (although obviously this isn't the best way of keeping it quiet) because I'm going to have an official launch next Saturday, 12th July.

Rare Bits is a collection of twenty short stories. The book pushes my comfort zone as a writer and aims to push the comfort zone of you, as the reader, too. The stories cover such a wide range of genre - drama, suspense, action, erotica, humour, mystery - that on occasions I've ventured into the unknown, drawing the reader along for the journey.

Some of the stories are dark, others are deep. Some are light, others are slapstick. They are all based in South Wales, continuing the theme from Just a Bit of Banter, Like. At all times my writing is sharp and observational. I'm not one to blow my own trumpet, but I'm very proud of the results!

I've kept the price as low as Amazon allow - 75p/99c, as I want to gain as much interest as in the book as possible. 

If you want to find out for yourself whether the book is as good as I say it is, click on the Amazon link below.

And, if you like the book, please tell others!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rare-Bits-Chris-Westlake-ebook/dp/B00LG9Q4KY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404669258&sr=1-1&keywords=rare+bits

Ready, set...

...go!

My short story collection, Rare Bits, is written, edited and available on Amazon!

And, it looks great. I read it myself last night and thought...yeah man, go boy!

Now obviously its normal author behaviour to put a link of their book on their blog, and so I'm duly complying.

This is just to get the ball rolling. I'll write up a more detailed report a bit later (once my 4 week old baby decides he no longer wants to sleep on my lap).

Happy Saturday

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rare-Bits-Chris-Westlake-ebook/dp/B00LG9Q4KY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404546037&sr=1-1&keywords=rare+bits

Oh, Baby

And so, our first child, Alexander-James (AJ) Cyril Westlake was born at 13:35 on Saturday 7th June 2014, weighing in at an impressive 9lbs 7.
At approximitely 10:35 on Saturday 7th June 2014, after two days already spent in hospital, my wife confirmed, between desparate gasps of air and gas, that he was going to be an only child.
And so, AJ is now 15 days old and I now have that dreaded 'I'm due back in work tomorrow feeling.'

So what are my thoughts concerning Baby Westlake and fatherhood so far?
Well, AJ is undoubtedly a vampire. There is no other explanation why he would sleep all day and then rave all night.
He has an uncanny knack of weeing up in the air.
He is always a little angel whenever we have guests around and then, soon as the front door shuts, he turns into a rascal.

Oh, and our little boy is absolutely beautiful and we both cannnot wait for that first smile!
Time for a nap before the night shift begins.

Book Finished!

Afteernoon!
I've completed my collection of short stories!!!!
Twenty in total. And so much variety. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. Okay, I don't know about cry, unless you are of a certain disposition, but some of the stories are most definitely sad.
The compilation has been sent for proof-reading. Now I need to arrrange a title and a cover. I'm completely out of my comfort zone. Last time, everything was done for me.
Wish me luck!!!
And, of course, I'll keep you updated.

Book Review - Time to Let Go - Christoph Fischer

Time to Let Go is the latest release from Three Nations Trilogy author, Christoph Fischer.

This is a family drama that challenges a full range of emotions. Hanna is the glamorous air hostess who embraces healthy eating, keeping fit and yoga. Walter is the father who embraces the conventional - order, routine and hard work are the order of the day. Biddy is the wonderful mum with a heart of gold who is loved by everybody, and who also has debilitating Alzherimer's. 

The effects of Alzheimer's is a subject close to my heart, as my nan suffered with dementia. One day she could be the life of the party - drinking, singing and laughing - and then the next morning it was as if it never happened. And yet, because she lived in the moment, she was often very happy. And then next moment she would be terrified and abusive to those closest to her, begging to be taken home, even though she hadn't lived in her house for years. 

Time to Let Go is an important piece of fiction because doesn't only address the effects of Alzheimer's on the victim, but on the closest family. What is the best way of dealing with the disease? There is no right or wrong answer. My mum used to get very frustrated, and I'd reassure her that it wasn't Nan's fault. But then, I wasn't the one who had to look after her night and day, was I? Walter seeks to give Biddy a routine that does not confuse her - waking up at a set time, breakfast at a set time, etc. His daughter, Hanna, has a different approach. She wants to expose Biddy to variety and things she may enjoy - yoga, swimming and massages. Walter dismisses this as 'hippy' rubbish, until he observes how happy Biddy is.

The novel is very well crafted. There are a number of story-lines that overlap and piece together nicely. What is the full story behind Hanna and the death on her airline? Why is sibling Henrik, who appears to have it all, so jealous of Hanna's relationship with their other brother, Patrick? And why does Patrick seem to be so distant? 

If you enjoy novels that make you think, that questions your beliefs and understanding and that has characters with great depth, then I definitely recommend Time to Let Go. 

 

Whats Occurring

I've been quiet recently, but there are some good reasons.
Yeah, I know.
Excuses. Excuses. Excuses.
I've been working hard on my short story anthology, to the point where I'm nearly at the editing stage. Should be out for the summer, so you can read it in the garden without being blown away. How very lovely.
But I'm usually working on something anyway, so that isn't a good reason.
The main reason I've been quiet is that my wife is now 9 months pregnant. Just two weeks today till the due date. And so she has been keeping me very busy. I've been busy discussing breast pumps, mucus discharge and Braxton Hicks (which I have imaginatively renamed Branston pickles).
But I will be back soon with more interviews, reviews and features.
Promise!

Tales of the Unexpected

Hello, hello, hello!
When I was young (or younger than I am now) I had pen-pals. The thrill of receiving a letter through the letter-box was immense. Much, more more enjoyable than a message popping up on your email screen, I promise you (in some ways, I am quite anti-technology).
Anyway, yesterday morning I was clearing out my cabinet (the clearing out of my cabinet is very irrelevant) when something that sounded big dropped through the letter-box (no, it wasn't a bomb).
It was a package from Amazon. Nothing unusual there. Although, unusually, I haven't ordered anything from Amazon in quite some time. I tore open the cardboard packaging (I am very strong) and it was a book entitled The Expectant Dad's Survival Handbook.
Somebody had taken the time to buy the book and arrange for it to be delivered to me! I was very touched.
I've just found out (over a day later) who it is - one of my best friends, Adrian.
What a star!
Anyway, the moral of the story is - good old-fashioned surprises kick arse!!!

Writers Block

There are a few schools of thought on writers block. But, then, I like using the phrase 'schools of thought.' Much more interesting than saying there is more than one opinion on the subject; don't you think?
Some say it exists. Some say it doesn't.
Let's move on.
All I know is that I've been sat at my laptop for an hour trying to think of a good storyline for my next short story, and I still have a blank page.
Now, you could say that I just haven't managed to come up with a good idea for an idea.
But let's just say I have writers block.
Much more interesting; don't you think?

Interview with Allison Hawn, author of Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus

A very happy Saturday afternoon to readers and writers.
Let me share some thoughts and opinions with you. Hey, its my site and so I'm allowed!
In my very humble opinion, visual comedy is usually much more effective than written comedy. Watching somebody fall over is much funnier than writing about it (okay, I confess I like watching people fall over so long as I know they aren't hurt). Often it is not what is said that is funny but how it is said. They (and I do always wonder who 'they' is) say a painting speaks a thousand words (is that the right number?) and I think this may be right when it comes to humour.
Writing comedy is really hard, believe me. Reading bad comedy is even harder, believe me. Often the only person laughing is the author. Humour is incredibly subjective. And I'm a really grumpy critique of humour. Which is why, when I found myself laughing out loud (yes, literally a LOL) reading Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus, written by Allison Hawn, I knew I'd found a gem.
You know when something really funny happens and you excitedly try and tell your friends all about it, only for it to fall on death ears (and you really hate your friends when they don't laugh, don't you)? When you're forced to deliver the immortal line 'you had to be there for it to be funny?' Well, Allison doesn't experience this. Not one bit. Yes, she has the most incredibly bizarre and wonderfully weird experiences you could ever imagine. But then, and this is the really crucial part, she has the ability to deliver these stories to you in a unique and individual way, that will leave you laughing more than if you really were there.
And so, I am delighted to introduce you to the very talented Allison Hawn....


Hi Allison. Could you please tell our readers what your book Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus all about?

Imagine that on your way to work you are accosted by a troupe of dancing clowns who manage to block your car for nearly ten minutes. You sit there contemplating how much trouble you would get in for running them over as you eye the dashboard clock. Upon your late arrival at work your boss meets you and demands to know why you're late. You sigh deeply and say, "Dancing clowns."
Your boss nods and says, "Oh, well, carry on," accepting your explanation completely, no reprimand necessary.
This is my life. I have been called a "magnet for the bizarre" and "broken in the most fun ways" by so many people that I have lost track. Anyone who spends even a little time around me ends up just like my ex-boss, watching me straggle in having just survived some unbelievably strange event and wondering, "Oh no, did she get attacked by another six-foot-long iguana who wanted her pizza?"
After years of my friends and family telling me that I had to start writing about the indescribably weird things that happen to me on a daily basis, I caved and wrote a collection of true, bizarre stories called "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus!"

At what point when all these wacky events were occurring did you think ‘I know what; that would make a hilarious story in a book?'

I'm not sure if there is really one crucial turning point. I come from a family that has a very rich oral-story-telling tradition, and so I started verbally telling my stories to people. I think the point when I realized that I should absolutely start writing this book came when one of my stories, which is actually included in my book, made someone laugh so hard they threw up.
It was at that moment that I agreed with what people had been telling me for years, that I should write. It's like if my life is so funny and strange that the human digestive system is no match for it, who am I to deny that it shouldn’t be shared with the world?

How did you ever think of that title?

The title was actually an accident. I have the worst time starting anything. This is explains why I have a ridiculous amount of things like pipe-cleaners, glue and clay, but absolutely no finished, Pinterest inspired, pieces of art to show for them. In college, when I was writing papers on a deadline, I would just throw a makeshift title on the page and start in on the meat of my paper. Then I would return and write a nice, coherent intro and title it something appropriate.
This is exactly what I did for my book, except, I forgot the part where I was supposed to go back and change the title. Luckily, my publisher ended up loving it and so my book became "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus."
>Would you say you are a magnet for weird and wonderful people?
I think that is accurate, though not always co-occurring. Sometimes I meet weird people, sometimes I meet wonderful people and sometimes I meet people who embody both. Oftentimes my best friends are those who mix their weird with a complimentary helping of wonderful, though.

So what makes you laugh?

Almost everything, barring the truly terrible stuff of course. I long ago learned that you can view life in two ways: 1. As if everything is a bother. 2. As if everything is an adventure. Part of being on those adventures is being able to take a step back and look at a situation for what it truly is, and oftentimes situations can be truly hilarious.
Sure, at the time I am being attacked by a three-legged chinchilla things might be a bit bleak, but after a week, and the bite marks have mostly healed, I can see the humour in it.

You have lived all over America. Where did you get your most wacky material?

I'm not sure if any one place wins the gold medal in the "Crazy Olympics." I got to see the Promise Keepers (super religious men's organization) compete with a Grateful Dead concert in Eugene, Oregon. I viewed redneck parades in Atlanta, Georgia. I was chased by an elk in Anchorage, Alaska. I was tackled by a man dressed as Sailor Moon in Boise, Idaho. At this point, it doesn't matter where I go "wacky material" just hunts me down like a tiger going after a limbless shrew.

I understand you have a degree in psychology? Do you think this has influenced your outlook on people?

Insofar as I have better names than “bat-crap-insane” and “hot mess” with which to understand some people around me, yes. My outlook on people, though, has mostly been shaped by my experiences (good and bad), the realization that, as humans, we all have our own special quirks and the writings of Erving Goffman.

You had a weekly humour column with a local paper. How did you get that gig and what was your column all about?

I got that gig by being a staff sports and entertainment writer (which brought its own challenges) at a time when there was an opening for a weekly columnist. I pitched my column idea, appropriately called “Wandering in Wonderland,” and it was picked up.
The both wonderful and terrible thing about writing that column was that I was given total and complete free reign. Like a velociraptor on crack on a street lined with butcher shops, I was unleashed on an unwitting public. For two years, at which point I moved away, I wrote about anything and everything that popped into my skull on a weekly basis. Some weeks were brilliant, others were acts of pure deadline-meeting desperation, but it was an excellent experience.

Your one-liners are hilarious! Is this a natural talent or is it something you have consciously worked on?

The ability to develop one-liners really came from being tired of always having staircase wit. For those not familiar with staircase wit, it's when someone says something snarky or rude, and fifteen minutes later, as you're leaving down the back staircase, you suddenly think of the perfect comeback.
I was never a popular kid. I was loud, not built like a super-model, dangerously intelligent for my age and had a tendency to act like a velociraptor when I felt like it. So I was teased a lot. Shocking, I know. By the time I hit high school I had a black-belt in witty comebacks and a penchant for strange metaphors that I used to confuse my more persistent persecutors. I guess all of that just carried over into my writing.

Have you written any fiction?

I have, in fact. I wrote three full novels when I was in high school, none of which I expect will see the light of day. When you’re in high school you think everything you write is brilliant. The benefit of aging and gaining more experience is that you can honestly look at your writing and say, “Holy Awful Dialogue Batman!” and move on. Those first three novels were excellent practice and experience for me, though.
Now that I’m post-college and have a slightly firmer grasp on writing conventions, I am working on a science fiction novel that feels like it is progressing much better (according to my writing buddies) than my previous three attempts.

What are you currently writing and what are your writing aspirations?

Oh, I have my fingers in lots of writing pies right now, which means that basically what I have is a sticky mess and a whole bunch of people wondering how this is going to pan out into being productive.
I am working on a follow-up book to “Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus” which I hope will be released sometime this year. I am also working on a science-fiction novel as I previously mentioned and a memoir about my time spent working with homeless and at-risk youth as a street-based social worker. And then whatever else pops into my head in between now and death will become a project as well.

I understand you have a website. Could you please tell us what it’s all about?

Why of course! I currently write a blog called “Normally Surreal” (http://circusplatypus.blogspot.com/) that basically took up from where my newspaper column career left off. I write random musings and rants, I interview other authors and let people know about other fun bizarre experiences that I have recently survived. I also occasionally have contests, like the one that I have going right now in which someone will win a signed copy of “Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus!”

So where can we buy your book and where can readers find out more about you?

My book is available at:
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Life-Circus-Platypus-Allison-Hawn/dp/0615810950
Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/life-is-a-circus-run-by-a-platypus-allison-hawn/1115658836?ean=9780615810959
And from Sweatshoppe Publications’ (my publishers) website: http://sweatshoppemedia.com/bookstore.html

If you would like to find out more about me check out:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/platypusringmaster
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AllisonHawn (@AllisonHawn)
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7085837.Allison_Hawn
My blog: http://circusplatypus.blogspot.com/

And of course you can always read my book! You will find out way more about me in there, I promise!